12 week update and F.O.M.O. 

It’s finally here!!! 12 week post surgery. I know, I know. It doesn’t seem like it’s been 3 months. I hear it almost everyday. HOWEVER, when it is your foot stuck in a boot, it seems like a lifetime.

I am officially done with the boot. Seeeeee ya! I wish someone would have warned me how uncomfortable it would be the first week or so out of the boot. Every step is thought out, to ensure the foot lands evenly on the ground, or the fire ignited inside your foot and you don’t dare attempt another step. Okay, maybe that is a bit exxaggerated, but you get the point. I did wear a lace up brace for a week and a half, until I felt stable enough to walk without any added support. I kid you not, I felt like a baby giraffe learning to walk again.

So, here I am. Boot free. Brace free. And walking semi normal. X-rays showed new bone growth and my orthopedic doc sent me on my way. That means I can race?!? YEAH RIGHT.

I laid in bed one night (every night actually but this one night in particular) and got the bright idea that I would do the swim and bike portion of Vineman 70.3. I would turn my timing chip in at T2 and DNF, but at least I would get to race SOME of the race I had once trained so hard for. I went to my PT (physical therapist) with this bright idea and once again my dreams came crushing down. Swim portion, yes. Bike portion, don’t even think about it. With just 5 weeks until race day, I wouldn’t have enough time to get the ankle strong enough to ride 56 miles with rolling hills. “Just not worth it” were the words used. Ugh!! This is stupid. I pouted and stomped my feet like an upset 2 year old (not really but in my head I did). So…no racing.

The. Fear. Of. Missing. Out.

Sitting on the sidelines watching all your bada** friends compete in races is fun. It gives me a whole new perspective to the sport. HOWEVER, afterwards, it sucks emotionally. I want to be out there training and racing and pushing myself to the limit. Three weeks ago, it was Morgan Hill Sprint. The month before was Millerton Lake Triathlon. The month before, Ca Classic 1/2 Marathon. This weekend, Folsom.

As we inch closer and closer to Vineman 70.3, it gets harder and harder to be sidelined. I am so close, and yet so far from racing again. I promised to be honest throughout this process and this is it. I do not feel sorry for myself. I KNOW I will race again. You can BET I will come more determined to the 2017 race season. But for now, I have to accept that 2016 wasn’t my year to race. I hate it. I am not patient. I am grateful for the time away from the sport to spend with my family and friends. It’s just….hard.

I will be at Vineman 70.3. I will not be racing. Not even the swim, but I will be there. I will be there at the finish line to see my best friend cross the finish line in her very first 70.3. I will be ecstatic and proud. I will cheer, scream, cowbell, and give hugs to all my teammates as the take on the course. I fully expect the days following to be hard emotionally. I will do my best to prepare myself, but to be honest, I don’t know how I will handle it.

Stay tuned. For now…I will slowly start riding my bike outdoors and begin speed walking. Progress.